I'm confused. Yet, i'm not. I'm a walking contradiction.

There's so much to say but it won't come out properly. It's almost as though I'm getting drunk to let it finally come out, so I can accept it and move on. I need to say it out loud but I cant. This hurts and I can't seem to accept anything right now. I keep on growing and changing, i've realised what I need and what I want are two very different things. I wish I could just be brave, but i'm not ready.