I told my therapist about you.

I miss my lip piercing.
In fact i miss lots of things.

It's been three months since i've been to a councellor, therapist, psychologist. My choice purely. All they seem to do it bring up the past and complicate the situation. It seems like my situation cannot be simplified by talking to a stranger, even if they have a uni degree. I almost felt cruel by telling them that i no longer wanted to talk to them. It is as though we developed some sort of a relationship. A bond of emotion. I'm ready to break the bond. I want to get over this by myself. It's how i get over everything else. I taught myself to ride a bike, how to swim, how to draw, how to paint, how to sing, how to cook and how to play the saxophone. Who says i can't teach myself how to live life? I over analyse everything. Unbelievably. To have another person analyse my analysis just seems ridiculous. They don't know me. They don't even take me seriously and when they do it's for a stupid thing like relapsing. I can't help it. This is why they are supposed to be helping me! Thanks for telling my doctor all my private details. But you know, you HAD to, for my well being. Pffft. "You could've died from that!" Oh yeah. You know. I swallowed a bunch of pills and downed a bottle of vodka for a bit of a laugh. You stupid idiots. I warned you. You didn't take me seriously, you never do, until i actually do something, then i get in trouble for it but still get told i'm not seriously sick enough. Some people are really stupid. Even though they have studied the human brain for years on end. There's this thing that i do. Smile. It doesn't necessarily mean i am happy inside does it. But apparently you are too stupid to see. I haven't lost 10kgs so i MUST be fine, right. You are so blind. I don't need a person to tell me how to live my life anymore. You all have no idea what you are talking about. END VENT.

I don't really feel like these holidays are as good as they could be. I seem to be constantly staying in bed, staying at home. I mean, i've had some pretty good days out but my anxiety seems to get the better of me in every situation. I'm going to be going to Sydney on the 15th. Being forced to see a doctor. But the rest of the time i get to wander around the city, which is great. I'm going to do some shopping and take photographs.

I think i'm isolating myself. I'm not really seeing anyone except for a certain few. I want to run away for a week. Take my camera and go stay in the country. It would rain everyday and i could listen to music as loud as i wanted. I could make pancakes for dinner and pasta for breakfast.