Vent.

....you stupid idiot.

This is so hard. I tell myself i am okay when you're not by my side but i'm not. I want to be with you all the time, but really, we barely have any time together at all. I wish things could be different. I hate where i am right now. I want to be finished school and ready to start something i so badly want. Maybe you don't want it. NO ONE could love you as much as i do. I can promise you that. I hate seeing you hurt and unhappy. I want to show you a life we can both have. I want to lead you into the world i always wanted to show you. I know you don't like your smile, but i love it. It makes my heart warm and for a second i feel a moment of pure perfection. When you kissed me everything felt right. You felt it too, i know you did. The first time i saw you, i was hooked. You have something.. i can't explain what it is. I love the way seeing you makes me feel. I barely have the energy to see people anymore, but the thought of being with you makes everything seem better. You ask why i stare at you and smile? Because, fuck, i'm so happy to be in your presence. I am going to spill my heart out and i don't care what anybody else thinks. I am in love with you and have been for a very long time. The thought of you with someone else makes me want to be dead. You are holding my heart captive and i can't love anyone else the way i love you. I know you know how that feels. My love for you scares the shit out of me. I tell myself i can survive without you.. but there's so way in hell i can. I remember when you were flat out blunt honest to me, saying we won't ever be together and at that moment my soul shattered. Something has changed though, hasn't it? I have crossed the terrifying bridge of love and i'm not afraid to tell myself, that i do, completely, irreversibly, unconditionally, love you and always will.

I'm drained but aching for more. And the devil inside is reading. The words of the saddest poem. To be engraved on the stone of my grave. I'd kill to share your pain. And sell my soul for you just to say.. I dream what you're dreaming. And feel what you're feeling. I'd take my life for your kiss. And lose it all to take you across the abyss.